Housing Options: Seniors Residences or Complexes

By Retirement Coach Kristi Nielsen

As people age, and decide to give up driving or at least reduce or minimize their driving, the decision to move becomes more attractive. It reduces stress and makes life easier if doctors and shopping are more accessible. Sometimes finances dictate it is time to sell. Taxes continue to escalate, as do utilities and maintenance and at some point, even if you are quite comfortable financially, this burden gets to be too much.

More inspiring reasons for moving include searching for a new lifestyle and new friends. As one ages, many of their friends move away or pass away. Making a move that allows them to build new social connections can be a healthy option. People do not want to be a burden to their children, but can unwittingly become so sooner than they realize. Grown children are much more aware of their parents’ increasing limitations than the parents are. This is because we become accustomed to the reduction in physical abilities as the change from day-to-day is not as obvious to us as it is to onlookers who see us only occasionally.

Any change involves temporary loss – even if it is merely loss of the familiar. The anticipation of being in a new setting is far more difficult than the actual experience of being in the new setting. The loss of security in leaving a neighborhood is quickly compensated for by making new friends. Most other seniors are quick to adopt a newcomer. The fear of the unknown and separation anxiety of leaving a home that feels like it is part of you is natural but usually not incapacitating. The challenge of sorting out personal treasures and possessions is perpetuated by the procrastination that prevents a person from getting started. Once the process is started it is not as difficult as it may seem. Sometimes sorting through things results in a sense of relief that old baggage is being sloughed off. The physical challenges of packing and moving are difficult at any age, and it is a given that it will be challenging. Doing what you are able to do yourself and being open to allow others to help with those things you cannot do yourself makes it easier.

It is not uncommon to have anxiety about compatibility with new neighbors or about it being a wrong move, or fear of needing to leave pets behind, or feeling trapped in a smaller space. Most of these work themselves out as the process unfolds and it may not matter what others say, by way of encouragement, each person has their own way of processing these types of emotions. The biggest key is to have an open mind. If you go into it with a negative mind, it will turn out just as you expected.

Sometimes the new living arrangement seems more costly as it is often in the form of a monthly payment and if you have been in a clear title house this can seem quite discouraging as it may exceed your income. However, when you factor in the interest on the money you can invest by not owning property, it may be that you are living free or almost free. Moving expenses may seem hard to absorb, however this is a finite, one-time cost and after a while it will seem insignificant.

Loss of independence may be an issue. It may seem like decisions you are accustomed to making are taken out of your control. For some this can be a difficult adjustment. The challenge of sharing living space with strangers may be very hard. Talk to others who have already dealt with this, so that you can put it into perspective.

For some couples, the biggest challenge is to get on the same page at the same time. One spouse, usually the one with the least responsibilities for taking care of the present living situation, does not see the need to move. They are quite comfortable. However, if one spouse is cooking, cleaning, and doing all the shopping and errands, the burden may have gone beyond what is manageable. The ability to articulate one’s needs in a non-confrontational manner and expressing understanding for their partner’s point-of-view can start the communication process. Sadly, in some situations there is no choice other than to make the move – with or without the spouse’s agreement. The spouse usually begins to get involved when it becomes obvious that the decision is not merely talk—it is being put into action.

When making decisions, seniors can find the process quite confusing. If they are moving into co-housing they have difficulty understanding which fees are refundable and which are non-refundable. The concept of security deposits and how rate increases are calculated may seem quite overwhelming. Concerns about heating and cooling systems and the control of temperature is a definite concern for many once they have moved. Terms of lease agreements raise questions and cause concern and the more removed the person has been from making decisions of this nature, the more likely it is that they need the support of a friend or adult child to help them through the process. The idea of written rules defining rights of residents and regulations that may curb their own lifestyle are difficult to deal with and finding the right facility or living environment – whether it is a condominium or seniors residence is very important to the success of the move.

Focusing on the benefits helps adjust your perspective. Improved health, access to better health services, the ability to have pools and recreation facilities close by can be benefits beyond the social interactions of more neighbors in closer proximity. If it is a full-service facility, the option of having meals cooked becomes increasingly appealing for people who have found this to be a chore.

Although most seniors who have had a positive outlook in life up to this point, seem to make the shift with little difficulty, those who have become more cynical about life in general have a lot of difficulty. They often see government as corrupt or not helpful, and lament about lack of money, living too long, growing old being a curse. They see the world as getting worse and worse. This mental mindset is a precursor to depression. Obviously the more positive we are about life at all stages the more we will enjoy it. What we focus on we produce more of and focusing on the benefits of being freer to travel, enjoying social interactions with others, the amenities and the benefits results in an attitude of gratitude—an attitude that attracts others to you, resulting in better friendships and a more fulfilling and abundant life. Life has a way of bringing abundance to those who think abundantly.

Most people who move into seniors housing find they are glad they made the move. They seem happy and relieved to be free of the duties of maintaining a home. They report making new friends and acquiring new hobbies and interests. Most enjoy having their meals and kitchen clean-up done for them and are enjoying the freedom to travel without having to worry about their home. More often than not, they say they wish they had done it sooner. There is an amazing tendency to hold on to what we know, without being able to assess the comfort and stability that comes from being free from worry and having people close in case of an emergency.

Procrastination, feeling things may get worse, and fear of failing health are the main barriers to making positive changes – the very changes that will make things better. People who are open and willing to reflect on the honest opinions of others who have benefited from the changes they made, are more likely to adapt quickly. The common ground of being in surroundings where people have similar challenges – health concerns, depreciating physical ability, lack of closeness to family or children and a willingness to support one another can provide mental and physical well-being—leading to a greater ability to enjoy life. While it may seem daunting, there are professionals who will help with the sale of your property, assist with choosing the right facility or complex, and give financial planning advice. There are professional organizers who will help with clearing out clutter, and rubbish removal services that will haul items to charities or the dump. Moving companies can provide help with packing, and Estate Sale professionals can help liquidate personal property.

The most important step is to prioritize what you really want. What is the lifestyle that will enable you to most enjoy your life? Once you have made that decision, the rest will come easily.

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Read more about Retirement stress issues and how Stress affects health over 50