When You're A People Pleaser

Sometimes you have so much on your plate, that it's hard to do justice to everything. This could be your fault. If you have trouble saying NO (because you're a people pleaser), that could be the problem. People pleasers don't want others to be angry at them. They are always looking for approval, because they lack the self-confidence to stand up for themselves. However, ultimately they become angry at themselves because they feel trapped - trapped in the cycle of wanting to be liked, and wanting to avoid conflict.

It becomes a catch-22, because people pleasers are not happy, constantly trying to make everyone else happy.

Help is on the way! Here are some tips so you can say NO, and feel good about it.

The following statements are easy ways to excuse yourself from doing something you really don't' want to do and at the same time, be kind and gentle. However, these statements must be made with conviction and assertion:

1. I am so sorry that I can't........because I have personal plans that I have to deal with.

2. I would be happy to help you, but I am already busy (on that day, with plans to help the in-laws, etc .)

3. I'm not sure I can. Let me check my schedule. I left my calendar at the office (house, car, in-laws, etc.)

4. Can I get back to you? I'm in the middle of something and I can't decide right now.

5. I'll be happy to help you out, but I'm only available between 12pm - 1pm.

The first time you say no is always the hardest, but after you do it, it becomes easier. Of course, if you genuinely want to help someone, go right ahead. But, remember, it's perfectly okay to refuse to do something, to think about yourself and to not always be available.

Your ultimate goal is to say NO before being taken advantage of by others, if that's the case. People know just who to call when they need a favor and if you don't (always) want to be that person, be aware of those few that may be manipulators.

You are saying no, not because you want to be mean, but for very important reasons -- you get more time for yourself, your family and for those you truly want to help.

About the author: Amy Sherman, LMHC is the author of: Distress-Free Aging: A Boomer's Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life and 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 and Yes, 60!

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