The Cycle of Loneliness

Everyone feels lonely from time to time and that's normal. It's called situational loneliness and it is a temporary condition. It often happens after a divorce, death in the family, loss of a job, or after your children are grown and on their own. The question to ask yourself, however, is how often do you feel lonely? Are you aching for company, but have no one to reach out to? Is it a passing feeling or are you always feeling this way?

Unfortunately, you're not alone (literally). AARP did a survey and found that middle-aged people have a higher rate of loneliness than the elderly. So living alone and getting older is not a predisposition to being lonely.

Loneliness is a debilitating psychological condition and lonely people are more prone to developing diabetes, sleep disorders, high blood pressure and other life-threatening disorders. This is because the stress weakens their immune systems. Loneliness takes its toll and causes emotional and physical symptoms that lead to a destructive cycle difficult to reverse.

What can you do?

1. Stay connected. If you experience the "all work and no play" syndrome, then you are not allowing yourself to have a life. People are working harder these days just to make ends meet, so the evenings are a time to relax and spend some quiet time. But if TV becomes your companion, you are missing out on reinforcing the personal relationships so essential for your well-being.

2. Stop depending on cyberspace to stay in touch. If you email, text, twitter and Facebook your friends, when are you having that face-to-face connection? A way to reduce your loneliness is to search out venues to be with people, whether it's in a classroom, bookstore, religious setting or outdoor romp. It's the physical and emotional bond that you have with others that makes you feel really connected to someone outside yourself.

3. Volunteer to help those less fortunate. This puts your life in better perspective. No longer would you feel sorry for what you have lost, but working with others for a common cause deepens relationships and fills the void you may be experiencing.

4. Educate yourself about loneliness. You can prevent making this into a chronic condition by learning the facts. Understand that loneliness is different than depression and is not treated with medication. However, treatment can include talking with a therapist and getting to the cause of one's isolation.

Most people enjoy being alone to have time to do what they want to do. However, if you are alone and feeling lonely, your best antidote is to get involved with others with whom you can share your life. There's nothing worse than being in the company of people and not being able to enjoy the laughter and camaraderie they may be experiencing. About the author: Amy Sherman, LMHC is the author of Distress-Free Aging: A Boomer's Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life.

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