How to Handle Visits From Your College Kids

As wonderful as the holidays are, when your college kids come home, the stress usually escalates. It's not that you don't want to see them. In fact, you're looking forward to it, but the problem lies in expectations.

You want to welcome your adult child home from school, yet you're not sure you can see him/her technically all grown up. Remember that they have been away from home where rules and restrictions are minimal and they are experiencing many more opportunities and temptations than when they were safely under your supervision.

So how do you handle all this?

1. You would like to do an emotional check up on the kids to be sure they're doing well, but don't want to pry too much or be invasive. Therefore, the goal is to not bombard them with too many questions, but delicately make some inquiries. You can ask some open-ended questions like, "Tell me about your roommate." "What kinds of things do you do on the weekends?" "How are you finding your classes?"

2. If you're an official empty nester, you may have an additional problem. Perhaps you became used to your home being neat and organized, since it is only adults home now. Are you expecting the kids to be clean and neat during their visit? Don't be surprised if your children fall back to old behavior patterns and you have to, once again, deal with dust balls and dirty dishes.

3. In addition, this may be the first time your children are away for an extended period of time. Are they wondering if it's possible to maintain their newfound freedom and independence now that they are home? Would they be pushing the envelope to see how far they can go?

Of course you enjoy the excitement of having your children home again, but don't feel guilty if you long for the quiet, spontaneous life you also experience without them around. You have prepared yourself over the last eighteen years for your kids to "fly the coop." And while they are still a "work in progress", you need to prepare yourself for when they come home, too. Therefore, don't be too restrictive, but allow them to make their decisions independently and continue to be the loving, supportive parent they need and expect.

About the author: Amy Sherman, LMHC is the author of Distress-Free Aging: A Boomer's Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life.

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