When Bad Relationships Happen to Good People

Nobody deserves to be in a bad relationship, but it happens. Sometimes, you don't realize it until it's too late. Personalities clash, philosophies differ, values change and interests are no longer compatible. But even through it all, there are lessons to be learned that should not be ignored.

Here are some basic principles that might start you thinking:

1. If you love someone, it should last forever.

Lasting love has to be worked on, nurtured and allowed to grow. You learn by making mistakes, by compromising, by listening and by changing. It doesn't just happen with little effort on your part. So whether you are in a long-term relationship or single, know that you must continuously put in the effort to keep your relationships blossoming. The healthiest intimate relationships are based on substance and that lasts forever.

2. Men and women love differently.

True, however, the need to be loved is universally shared. When it boils down to deeper emotions, we have a lot in common. However, men may just have a harder time expressing that love, so it's the job of the women to let him know how to show it and how she feels without it. Communication will always improve a relationship.

3. Expecting your partner to complete you is unhealthy.

True - It can make you needy and gives your partner power over your emotional wellbeing. You partner does not give you inner happiness, self-worth or your identity. You do that. However, your partner should enhance who you already are by giving you support, encouragement and respect.

So, why do you sometimes find yourself in a bad relationship? Because you may be letting unrealistic expectations rule your heart. Understand that all your relationships are there to teach you something, whether it's about love, compassion, sensitivity, tolerance, responsibility or acceptance. Good or bad, you are learning about yourself and life. If the lesson goes unlearned, you may find yourself repeating it over and over again with different people in different circumstances.

Life is like that. Therefore, gather all the wisdom you can from your relationships and give thanks for the bad ones, too, as you are getting a remarkable opportunity to hone your skills.

Just imagine that, in the future, your new relationships, both romantic and casual, are a continuous source of joy and fulfillment. Wouldn't that be just great!

About the author: Amy Sherman, LMHC is the author of: Distress-Free Aging: A Boomer's Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 and Yes, 60!

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