When Boomers Divorce

By Amy Sherman, LMHC

What's wrong with the concept of living happily ever after? Nothing, except that the US Census Bureau estimates that half of all marriages will end in divorce. But if you made it past the first 25 years, shouldn't it be smooth sailing after that?

Obviously, this is not always the case. Look at Al and Tipper Gore, who were married 40 years and decided they want to split. The three main reasons why baby boomers decide to divorce are money, abuse and infidelity. However, there are many more subtle reasons that couples become estranged.

With children grown and on their own, many empty nesters find themselves looking at their relationships more closely and realizing they no longer have a solid, strong marriage. They have been together a long time and may take their marriages for granted. Boredom, poor communication, lack of similar interests, unhappiness, resentments and stress add to the dissolution of these marriages. Those couples that grow together, share new experiences, interact and engage in daily conversation are able to keep their relationships intact and thriving.

"Gray divorce", as it is being called, is on the rise, according to More Magazine. In fact, from 1970 to 1990, the divorce rate for women over 40 has increased 62%. Even though the difficulties women face financially appear to be greater than those they experience in widowhood, women seem to be initiating the split.

Obviously, when you divorce later in life, you do not have to address custody, child support and other raising-a-family issues. There are plenty of sources to help younger divorcees deal with that. There are not, however, as many resources on how to share the news with your teen/adult children or how to deal with the pain, rage, guilt, loneliness, depression and other feelings at this midlife stage of your life.

For men and women, it is often frightening and maybe even devastating to find yourselves alone and having to start over. After all, you have established friends together and have not been out in the social scene alone for many years. While this may be intimidating, many boomers are discovering their passions and interests and are going back to school to find a new career path to overcome personal and professional barriers.

This could be a huge challenge, but it is also a new beginning to reinvent yourself. It is a time to put yourself first and to think about what you want to do with the rest of your life. It is a time to give your life more meaning and purpose and to finally allow yourself the happiness you want and so desperately deserve. Go to Site Index

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